Breaking News
Wednesday, September 23, 2009

We are going to open a full-service, abortion day-spa in every county, in every state, and then throughout the whole world. We'll provide the whole peace-loving, life-affirming, shebang that will beautifully honor the love inside each and every individual woman, but before you skip over like you're coming for a fresh ice cream cone to fit into your prom dress, as if it's some kind of birth-control mecca, consider this: unlike the measly population of steadfast and struggling current providers, we won't be compassionately servicing everyone in dire need of this most basic and significant procedure throughout your entire lifespan.

I'm keeping a scarlet list. It exists to preserve the sacrament of motherhood.

The following folks will have to continue to obtain the regular joe from some clinic or hospital, set way out yonder and peppered with it's very own protestor show--assuming they can afford it--as to not cramp the flow of this righteous and sacred occurrence on earth:

Republicans * **

Anti-abortion activists, clergy and empathizers * **

First families (past, present and future) * **

Famous people that talk shit about abortion during interviews * **

Members and affiliates of congress (speak now or forever hold your peace)* **

*No exceptions apply. NONE.

**No need to void where prohibited. We will be everywhere and it will suck! to be you.

Painting: Unwinding by Michael Parkes


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