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Monday, February 20, 2012

There's a lot of stigma, and thus guilt, associated with multiple abortions. When you talk to a woman who is having her second, third, fourth abortion, you will often hear shame in her voice. Why do we shame these women? They are already going through an emotionally difficult time in their lives. Why do we think it's our place to place judgement on them and make them feel like bad people? And what really pisses me off, is that this doesn't just come from antis. I have heard this shaming come from people who describe themselves as pro-choice.

I remember talking to a woman who felt that because she was 35, she should "know better", that she had done something wrong because she was getting her third abortion. I tried to make her feel better. I asked her how many times in just on year is it possible for her to become pregnant, then to think about that over how many years she has been able to get pregnant. Let's say she got her period when she was 12 (a pretty average age I think), and she's 35 now. That's 23 years x 12 months in a year = 276 times she could have had a pregnancy. That's a lot. One missed or mistimed pill, and she became pregnant.

Now, I realize that part of this isn't just the number of unwanted pregnancies but also the choice to have an abortion. This is an argument that the two sides will never come to agreement on, so I'm not even going to argue the point. I know that millions of women have to make a choice whether to keep a pregnancy. This choice is often based on finances, their families, whether they want to be forever tied to the man that impregnated them. This is a deeply personal decision that no one has the right to pass judgement on.

I just want to tell all the women out there who have had an abortion or who are considering one, that you shouldn't feel guilty about whatever decision you have made or will make. Screw those who tell you that you're a bad person. Remember, they aren't in your position. They can't understand your decision - only you can.


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