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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Dear Abortioneers Out There:

I have a confession. I'm having a mini - tiny even - crisis. OK. "Crisis" is a bit dramatic; but I could totally use your help. The dilemma: I can hardly relate to clients who worry about god and if this god is going to forgive them for their abortion(s). Why is this a mini crisis? Well, because:

a) where I live, some of our abortion clients seem to be concerned about this (at least on some level), and
b) because I'm meant to have a counseling session with someone tomorrow to further discuss her spirituality and her abortion decision-making decision.

I hardly feel qualified. I used to be religious. Perhaps even zealous. I've probably even blogged about it before. I was super conservative....a long, long time ago; but that religiousness has now been out of my life for as many years as it had been in it. So I find myself at this...strange place....where I can sort of/kind of remember when I worried what god would think of me, but mostly, I just can't.

Not remembering and grasping onto this I'm-concerned-about-what-god-would-want-me-to-do thing isn't helping me at work right now. When I was a bit religious (occasionally going to church) and still holding down my abortioneer job, I loved it when women mentioned god during counseling sessions. I could relate. I could talk about god and spirituality easily. I wasn't in the slightest offended by the idea of a god or by religion itself (whereas now, religion offends me). So it seems like some twisted act of fate (or perhaps god has a sense of humor? Ha!) that I'm meant to talk to a bright, capable, young woman tomorrow who holds in her hands her very future, and the only thing stifling her is something I think is imaginary: god. I don't understand. I just want to say to said bright, capable young woman, "You know. I hate to break it to ya, but there is no god. Or if there is a god, this god is sooooo not going to care about if you have an abortion or not. If there's a god, it might be a teensy bit more caught up with more important matters like, um, global warming, civil wars across the world, genocides. That sort of thing." Yet, I can't bring myself to say that (at least not to her), because....well, she believes in some god who is going to care if she has an abortion or not.

I'll be frank (or - um - even more frank). I'm not really sure what to do. I keep re-reading literature from RCRC (Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice) and other documents, but it's not really helping me get back to understanding this spiritual concern she has. I want to give her some words of wisdom, of comfort. I want to be able to say something she can relate to, that helps her heart feel at ease: whatever decision she makes. Yet the reality is, it doesn't - I don't think - really matter what I tell her because it truly only matters what she thinks/believes. Problem is: I just can't relate.

I suppose I need to get over myself a bit. Not expect that I have to have words of wisdom. But I still am supposed to say SOMETHING to her, RIGHT? If she comes to our counseling appointment talking about god and her spirituality and reconciling that with her abortion decision (which is exactly what she told me she needs help doing!), I really don't know what I'm going to say. (BTW - I am trying to find clergy or something willing to talk to her!)

So, sisters in abortionland, maybe you can help me out. Do any of you relate to what I'm talking about? I know there are abortioneers out there who are religious/spiritual. What kind of wisdom do you give to women? Do you have some advice for me? I appreciate it. Thanks!

Much love,
About a Girl.


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