Looking Back

When I first started working in abortion, I wasn't as passionate about it as I am now. I knew I wanted to do work in women's issues but didn't have a lot of specific experience. I didn't know what particular direction I wanted to go in, and I knew almost nothing about abortion. I didn't necessarily see it as the most important issue facing women's health (I didn't think/know about serious threats to a woman's right to choose). This all obviously changed, and I realized how difficult abortion services are for women to access and the many barriers that are constantly being put in their way. It became more and more important to me and part of my everyday life.

I've had to scale back on my abortion work for various reasons - other life events happen and sometimes trump our passions. At first I really missed not doing abortion work daily. I really missed talking to the women and helping them when they had just about given up. With anything though, the more and more I'm away from the work, the less I think about it. I get caught up in my everyday life, in the new events I have happening. Then I read the other posts on the blog, think about what I want to write about, and those feelings come back.

Not only do I miss it, but I feel kind of bad. I feel like I've abandoned abortion work and that I'm now a somewhat feaux abortioneer. I've thought about becoming more involved again and maybe in different, more manageable ways. Maybe I could start escorting occasionally at the local Planned Parenthood, I could become involved on a part-time volunteer level with a local fund, or maybe I could get involved locally with Obama's campaign (because he is FAR preferable to any of those Republican a-holes).

This is something I think about and toy with a lot. I beat myself up about it (whether it's fair or not). Maybe we all move on at some point. It may not be realistic to think I would work in direct service abortion work forever. It's not sustainable, and it's difficult to grow professionally. Have any of you felt this way with something in your life - like you abandoned your passion to be practical and then beat yourself up about it late? Because I sure hope I'm not the only one.